just thoughts

Goodbyes

2006-11-06T13:58:00.000+05:30

First it was

goodbye New Zealand (Kariotahi beach)

and then

hello Fiji (Pacific Harbour).

I spent two and a half blissful weeks kitesurfing, hammocking, eating, sleeping and reading/writing poems. And then it was

goodbye Fiji (last night, at the 'celebrity love island' beach)

And now I'm back at home.

My brain is blurred with jet lag, but as far as I can tell, I'm happy to be back. I was welcomed by my family at the airport, and they've been very good to me. The English Autumn is freezing cold and beautiful. The English architecture and trees and everything seems just wonderful.

And now it's time to wrap the blog up. First, I've finished travelling, and am about to start something totally new (trying to find NGO work - can anyone help?!). Next, I've changed a lot, and "dissident words" (the title of this blog) doesn't really fit now. I'm not reacting and rebelling any more, but accepting the self that's emerging and the world it's in. Lastly I'm going to take a break from blogging, and maybe come back later, when it's fresh again.

Goodbye, and thanks to all for reading and commenting, it's been great to think that people have been interested by some of this.

Peace.

1003 words

2006-10-04T03:36:00.000+05:30

Swimming
With
Dolphins.

Hat

2006-09-22T12:29:00.000+05:30

I would just like to mention that I own a very warm hat, and that the glacier in this post was not that cold, hence I did not always need to wear it, despite my newfound lack of hair. Thank you all for your clever emailed and commented remarks.

The desire to DO

2006-09-20T03:07:00.000+05:30

Chech this out all you workaholics:

http://megsoapbox.blogspot.com/2006/09/fruitfulness-vs-productivity.html

I found most interesting the discussion on productivity vs. fruitfulness. She argues Jesus was not generally a productive person but was very fruitful. A cursory glance at the Buddha reveals something very similar. In fact her post could've been written by a buddhist.

I'm currently escaping the never-ending drive to do stuff not by rationalising not doing (recourse to fruitfulness is still about justifying the self, in more mellow terms, but inescapably attaching to a need to be positive). I'm just resting and enjoying the present without any reference to a greater good, for myself or others. This seems almost blasphemous to a culture imbued with the protestant work ethic, but it's in my heart and so I follow.

On a deeper level, however, I sense that I'm still doing so out of an ongoing desire to be the best I can be, that I am still striving to grow and achieve by not achieving, by being fruitful if you will. Not that this is negative per se, in fact these can be useful qualities in a society, but it clearly shows that I've not fully steeped in the infusions of self-acceptance. Just to be and nothing else.

However, this is still OK. Why judge my lack of total self-acceptance and give myself a burden to carry? And here I've come full circle.

All is full of love

2006-09-19T08:56:00.000+05:30

I thought I had lost or had my camera stolen this morning. However this afternoon there it was, in the wrong section of my bag.

On an only loosely related note, I would like to take this opportunity to send a hug to everyone I love*. I fear I have in one stroke severely diminished the credibility of this blog, but that never really mattered anyway.

*All comments containing the word 'hippy' will be moderated.

Paragliding

2006-09-14T12:02:00.000+05:30

I've done a three day course in paragliding. It's far harder than it looks. However learning is cheap here. And it's low season, so I've had two instructors (one of whom is excellent) to myself. The first day was lots of running up and floating down small hills, then I was straight onto the big jump - from Coronet Peak, by the snow line.

run...


off...


and away...



After five amazing solo flights over the last two days I've got more confident...only to land this afternoon part on my feet, part on my arse, and part on my left wrist, which now no-longer works. Ouch. The swelling is comical, as is my slinging it up in an olive green scarf, so I sense I will be taking it very easy over the next few days. Milford Sound bekons.

Keep on movin'

2006-09-11T11:24:00.000+05:30

I'm loving this! (Almost resorted to a phrase now tarnished by an evil multinational.) NZ has got to be one of the best places in the world to backpack. My adventures have taken me to meet many new people (mainly through hitching), get very cold, and very happy. I've seen a little of what's referred to here as the backcountry, and it's great.

On a rock in a tiny little cove only reachable by walking (with my blanket-slash-poncho hence bat-like appearance)



Freedom camping near Jackson Bay (West Coast), with my new tent and Belgian chaffeur. I woke up cold - the clear weather means the temperatures drop quite low at night - frost everywhere.



A solo hike up to the bush line of one of the southern alps. I didn't make it; my water was running out and I didn't think I could find a stream : ( I did however really enjoy this chocolate/snooze break!




I'm now in beautiful Queenstown, and am taking a paragliding lesson tomorrow. This is good!

Photos

2006-09-09T02:26:00.000+05:30

Grrrrrr! The people that host my photos have taken to plastering pictures of near nude women around the full size pics. Call me old fashioned, but I'm going to put them somewhere else. Here's one from one of my last nights in Wellington, where the registrars took me out:

Hitch-hiking

2006-09-08T12:30:00.000+05:30

The pull of technology is too strong, and I'm back online. Probably won't be sharing deep and profound thoughts, but the odd photo wouldn't go amiss. And 'happy birthday' to my Father!

Hitching in NZ has its delights: surprising connections, interesting conversation, local knowledge, and a low low price tag. But what tops these is the sheer depth of kindness shown by complete strangers. As I was walking through Picton preparing to stick my thumb out, a woman came rushing out of a restuarant asking if I needed a lift to Nelson, because her husband was going...yes I did, actually. He took me out of his way to see the Sounds, and then after spending a night camping on the Abel Tasman (mmmmmm), a lady called Ruth picked me up and took me to the lovely Takaka. I found a backpackers (was very cold and wet and camping lost its appeal after two nights) and the next day she drove over to Takaka to pick me up, take me to some pristine springs (Pupu Springs), a pretty heavy waterfall, some lovely walks, lunch, and basically a lovely day. Running the backpackers was an Israeli who was heading down South to Franz Josef (photos to follow), who ended up driving me down here.

Since leaving Wellington I feel like I've been looked after and given treat after a treat. Did I mention baked kumara and a hot outdoor spa after hiking through the Franz Josef glacier today?

(The following are thumbnails and should link to the full image.)

View of the Marlborough Sounds from the ferry

View from the start of the Abel Tasman track

Me looking rather chirpy before the glacier (yes I've had a haircut)

After several hours hiking today.

Goodbye Wellington

2006-09-02T14:46:00.000+05:30

I've been out for meals and drinks with people most nights for the last week; I didn't realise how many friends I've made here so soon. I feel appreciated and appreciative, gratitude all round. I have felt like quite a hermit in the last few months, not feeling much of a push to go out (or even stay in) and socialise. But despite my total lack of effort, friends I do have, and I'm sad to see them go. People really made the effort, and organised several different leaving things. Afternoon teas, lunches, drinks and meals, cakes and pounamu...I couldn't ask for anything more.

Tomorrow I catch the ferry to the south island, with my tent and sandwhiches packed and ready to go. I'm always saying this, but I'll try and get some photos up on the blog as I go!

Violence across the divide

2006-08-08T11:25:00.000+05:30

An interesting look at journalism, middle-east conflict, and the book of Deuteronomy can be found here:

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/world/story/0,,1838474,00.html?gusrc=rss&feed=12

Castlepoint

2006-08-03T09:17:00.000+05:30

That is where I'm going this weekend. I've bought a cheap second hand tent, and am cruising off to the east coast for a weekend of chilled nature with Chris my housemate. Yay!

Asylum

2006-08-03T05:27:00.000+05:30

The home secretary, John Reid, today won the right to deport failed asylum seekers to Zimbabwe.

Read about it here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/zimb...5687,00.html?gusrc=rss&feed=12

Haikus

2006-07-28T03:54:00.000+05:30

Straight after posting that haiku on Wednesday, a colleage came in and said she was doing a presentation on haikus. She is the first person ever to talk to me about them, and it happens straight after I share my first one with the world.

We have a long-standing joke that I am a chocolate addict, and after I just finished all of my chocolate and sent an email about it, she replied:

Chocolate meltdown

Supplies in danger; worry

Desperate email

haiku

2006-07-26T10:15:00.000+05:30

mind full of caffeine and emails

finding no calm

the office closes for the day

No more Mr Nice guy

2006-07-24T02:19:00.000+05:30

I am exercising my 'no' muscle and finding it quite satisfying.

There's plenty of fun to have here like in any city, but I'm finding I'm tending towards spending more time on my own than with others. Something I'm finding out about myself is that I find it hard to say 'no', dissapointing people (even an incy little bit) is not something I find easy. I'm trying not to make excuses, just to say 'no thanks' when I'd rather not do something. It feels strange but is pretty empowering as my free time becomes my own - to choose what to do with it, not have the choices forced upon me by friendly people.

And now I'm extending it to my job, and am able to have difficult conversations without trying to gloss over or ignore the bits where I have to be the bad guy. I'm even take a hard line on pesky house officers who are being slack and not doing their job properly - no more "well, I guess it's OK, but could you try a bit harder please?", more like, "we're paying you this much to do so-and-so, and so would you please do it" - as simple as that.

Beauty and Style

2006-07-20T02:59:00.000+05:30

My teeth are better, hurray! No root canal needed - I don't know what fixed them but I'm not complaining.

I've been spending some time in Japanese poetry lately, and on the rugged west coast of North Island, and the beauty I find in places like this resonates deeply with me. Like catching a glimpse of another dimension, deeper level of reality, transcendence...whatever.

I recently watched the film 'Azumi', which is a bloody but beautiful portrayal of the lives of some assasins in the feudal age of Japan. The cinematography is imaginative, and - though a bit cliched - the characters and landscape present a kind of tragic beauty that moves you (well, me) deep within.
In what I see of the modern world, the beautiful is something almost fundamentally different to this, a sanitised abstract that has somehow manifested itself in our dimension. I live in a city of style (Wellington), where what is appreciated is the ultra-cool, the sleek, the minimalist (of course I'm wildly generalising here). Cafes, paintings, cinema, photos. I-pods and internet designs. Logos and fashion.

Are we replacing beauty with style?

Technorati Tags: spirituality art

Teeth

2006-07-07T04:50:00.000+05:30

I feel like I have been given a new set of teeth, but had to pay a heavy price for it. £50 to be exact. There is no NHS in NZ and so everything is expensive.

I was getting a bit of pain so had a checkup, good news is my teeth now look great after he cleaned a couple of years' muck off them, bad news is that I might have a tooth fracture! I didn't even know you could get a tooth fracture! The tiny little x-ray showed a tiny little line through one of my teeth. Scratching my head as to how I did that. He said if the pain doesn't go away I might need a root canal. How expensive and painful does that sound!?!

Employee of the month

2006-06-30T05:19:00.000+05:30

I was greeted this morning by a room full of people - including the heads of the company - and the news that I'd been nominated by management for employee of the month. In a company with 3000 employees that feels pretty good. I've worked hard for them, have introduced numerous innovations, and it's great that they recognise that.

I didn't win, but still got a certificate!

The reception back in my floor was almost unanimous: what have you done to deserve that? Why not me? You've only just got here! You're wasted in your position, they should put you doing what I am... Bitterness and jealousy. Fortunately I've not let them spoil my buzz at this recognition!

I've been having numerous email conversations with a senior HR consultant who has been giving me some informal coaching, and something I've learned is that what is important is not what you mean to say, but how people interpret what you say. What will be the implications of memos and requests years down the line? How would the union interpret this request?

And the upshot is that less is more. I should learn to keep my mouth shut.

Technorati Tags: life

Photographs from Wellington

2006-06-25T10:38:00.000+05:30

I've finally got round to uploading some photos - have to go into an internet cafe to do this. These are of some friends I've made, plus some views from my lovely Brooklyn home. I don't seem to take many pictures any more. It's not New Zealand's fault - it's very beautiful. I'll try and get some of me kitesurfing. Please click on the thumbnails for a full image.

Technorati Tags: photos

The Advantage of Being Useless

2006-06-06T06:34:00.000+05:30

I had a lovely birthday, where I traveled up the coast and made some new kiting friends. I couldn't even get up on the board, but still laughed like a child and felt thoroughly contented by the evening. Friends brought round pizza and beer, and then I went to sleep. Nice.

The rest of the weekend was spent doing not much. A bit of calligraphy, a lot of reading. This irritates one of my housemates, who believes we should maximise our free time with activities like walking, surfing, bowling, drinking, or watching a good film. Sitting still and looking at the mountains is, in his words, "not the spirit".

Not his spirit.

One of these books was written by a NZ counsellor called George Sweet. My reading is that the central idea is:
"I have no desire to change this person in any way".

He values being present for the client, listening deeply, but not trying to provide interventions or resolve conflicts. The client provides her own therapy, the counsellor is simply present for her.

The book is very Zen/Daoist in its spirituality and philosophy. It addresses a big question mark I have over eastern thinking: that of non-action and total acceptance. Reading between the lines, Mr Sweet thinks that the the best forum for change and healing is through not trying to achieve either.

It made me think.

It was also entirely written in handwriting, and had beautiful black and white photography on every page. A book to remember. Another book was, I admit, the Da Vinci Code. Although I'm only half way through, three words hit the mark for me: fun, exciting, and rubbish. I detest polemics and it is full of them. Hence, rubbish. But fun and excitement must not be ignored.

Strike!

2006-06-01T02:57:00.000+05:30

Yes, and though you might think this makes my job easier, just the opposite. There are now contingency plans, extra consultant rosters to produce, and it all falls at a time when Psyc is understaffed anyway. Monkeys.

And so I doubly look forward to the weekend (my birthday!), where I will take my new kitesurfing kit and a tent up the coast, for the long weekend (conincides with the Queen's birthday). Will get a photo or two!

Illness and death

2006-05-31T05:12:00.000+05:30

One person I know has just had major surgery for cancer and is about to undergo chemotherapy. The mothers of two people I know have just recently been diagnosed with cancer. A minute ago I found out that another person I know has just had a friend die in intensive care.

Why is all this happening?

WWJD? To talk or not to talk?

2006-05-05T11:21:00.000+05:30

My work is done and I'll leave the office with a thought for the day:

"They are a handful of miserable resuscitators of a degenerate dead religion who wish to return to the monstrous dark delusions of the past."

-Father Eustathios Kollas, on the legitimisation of Greek God worship. See guardian unlimited.

I just had a thought of my own, too. I believe (forgive the simplification) that the Buddhist way of eating is in silence, to allow the eating and taste of the food to be experienced and appreciated fully. Talking and eating together would be dividing the mind. The Christian way seems a bit more social, e.g. wine and meat and laughter and talking. If we live our lives (as many try) by the principle 'what would Jesus do?' (WWJD), we'd probably choose the later. Isn't it a bit simplistic to take the practice of Jesus or the new testament church and make it our own? Would we make the Buddhist convert to Christianity talk whilst eating, in the name of being more "Christ-like"?

I can guess a response to this question. Of course Jesus if he grew up in an eastern culture would eat with a different style, possibly more "Buddhist". But then the Jesus we're takling about is a different one to the 1st Century Jew. You cannot remove someone from their cultural context; it's not them any more (unless you believe in some metaphysical appendix to the body/mind but that's another 10 minutes' discussion entirely). WWJD may be a good idea but, really, we don't live in 1st Century Palestine, nor are we all Jews - or males.

So maybe we cannot base our ecclesiology on going back to the early church, nor our dinner-ology on the penchants of Jesus and his first followers.

BIG FAT LUNCH

2006-05-05T07:23:00.000+05:30

Time for the monthly mental health admin lunch-out, and this time it was a new Chilean café run by real live Chileans. Food was fantastic (though I still can't get used to eating chips again - too much oil), portions huge, and the photographs of Chile have added another firm contender for the next desination after England.

Back to work, and I have one roster to finalise, one to get in motion, consultant roster gap to cover, and an imposing leave application to get approved so that one of my house officers can get to go to England for interviews, and the thought of a relaxing Friday afternoon to wind-down before the weekend is lovely but sadly unreal.

Perspective

2006-05-02T06:50:00.000+05:30

Thanks for your comments, Neal and Tumbleweeds. After feeling ever so slightly sorry for myself at the amount of work I have to do this week, I was greeted by this story http://observer.guardian.co.uk/world/story/0,,1764531,00.html?gusrc=rss, which gave me a little perspective. It's about children who work in the factories of Delhi and I encourage you to read it if you have time. Here's the perspective:

I have to work 8 hours a day, if it's busy, occasionally that'll be 10. These guys work 16.

I started work when I wanted, at 16. These guys are children and need to work or die.

I have a office with a large window (if it's too hot) and a radiator (if it's too cold). I can shut my door and get privacy at lunch time. I've been to Delhi, and I tell you that a large fan-cooled hotel room is uncomfortable enough, and this is luxury compared to what these guys have.

I get 14 USD an hour, they'd be lucky to get 1USD a day.

So I won't complain.

Statue

2006-04-18T10:49:00.000+05:30

Mao Zedong ordered the take-over of Tibet in 1950, and after years of persecution and cultural destruction (see freetibet.org), a sickening half million pounds is going on a 35-ton memorial to the man himself, in a small town near Lhasa, Tibet. The activist side of me has admittedly not been too active in the last few months (since the glorious G8 in Gleneagles), but after meeting Tibetan refugees in Dharamsala, their plight seems closer to my heart.

On a lighter note, I had a great Easter, eating lots, sleeping lots, and reading lots.

Stress

2006-04-10T02:05:00.000+05:30

Yawn! Monday morning and I'm in work early. Much to be thinking about here: ordering medical supplies for house surgeon's cars, ECT certificates to print-out, leave applications to approve, ROSTERS... but I'm enjoying the job, having a job that matters, and earning money.

The end of last week greeted me with the oh-so-pleasant news that I need to move house - AGAIN, but by yesterday I had a place sorted. Ironically, the room I first stayed in when arriving in Wellingon will be the one I live in now, several weeks, and all sorts of changes later. So I'll be back with some cool professionals in a beautiful house. Dan has a computer so I can put some photos up at long last, too...

The thought of more flat hunting stressed me out, and my work was stressful. I didn't try to maintain a non-attached calmness throughout all, but was present in the stress and after a good 11 hours' sleep last night I'm ready to take this week on.

And speaking to my friend Richard this morning who I met in North India, who is currently driving around Cornwall setting people up with health equipment and planning the next epic trip to Asia, motorbiking through Europe to get there, dreams of exotic places and people and experiences are whirling round my head again. Hurray for travel!

Technorati Tags: life

And...

2006-04-03T10:41:00.000+05:30

...I have a contract until the end of July. The salary is very good and I've decided to get rid of my overdraft. The student loan can wait till I'm a fully-fledged psychologist, but having an overdraft hanging over you is no fun, as they can (and sometimes do) ask for it back at any time. So my task is to save £2000 to get rid of that, £500 for the TESOL course, £400 for a flight from London to Bangkok (or wherever), and maybe another £2000 to live on before I start teaching English.

£5000!!!! That's $13,000, which is quite a lot, but hey, it's nice to have a target.

Life is getting simpler again. I had a shopping list with things like speakers and CDs and things, and as I walked into the shop to have a look, I knew straight-away it wasn't right. All of that just makes me feel cluttered - only a month or two ago I nearly gave away my camera and MP3 player because I felt too attached to them. It's good to listen to your soul.

Instead I'm really enjoying my Thai cooking (if you buy good ingredients it's still much cheaper than eating out, but you can eat very well), Eastern calligraphy, and am feeling more healthy. With a good diet comes better health all-round: I'm hardly drinking (alcohol or coffee), walking over an hour every day, feeling peaceful and sleeping well.

It feels so good to be living in a largely Western country, in many ways similar to England, but not going back to exactly how things were back in England. I thought that maybe the ways I've changed are only sustainable with a hippy-like backpacker lifestyle, but it turns out it's do-able in normal life too. It helps that NZ is breathtakingly beautiful on a daily basis, but it's becoming apparent that simplicity is not impossible to cultivate in the midst of the hurly-burly of Western life.

Hope.

Jobs and coffees and clubs

2006-03-22T15:09:00.000+05:30

No photos to post I'm afraid. Just a little window into my wandering world at the moment.

I've moved in and out of my first flat in Wellington. I made some good friends quickly, but the house was moldy, the landlord rubbish, and some housemates unreliable. So after much stressful house-hunting I'm in a wonderful house on the top of a (very high) hill. It's a long walk to the hospital where I work, but a beautiful one. Last night the clouds were rolling around at the height of the house, the lights of Wellington peacefully shining through the mist, and I was glad I've made the effort to move. The housemates are mature, the rent almost as cheap (about 35 pounds a week), but the rooms are bigger and more beautiful, and the atmosphere warm and peaceful.

The job sitch is tumultuous but hopeful. My job rostering doctors has mushroomed into a fully-fledged specialist admin, don't-talk-to-me-now-I'm-doing-important-things affair. My managers are almost useless, I have received laughably little training, and the responsibility I hold as a temp is even more laughable. But the doctors are super friendly and helpful (they know it's not an easy job), and I've worked myself into a position where if I quit now the useless managers will be in trouble. So I put in an application for a big pay rise today. I should be getting around 23 dollars an hour, which is super good for NZ. I was expecting to earn about 13 when I got here. $23 translates to about 8 pounds an hour, but considering the cost of living is cheaper here, works out much better, more like 12 pounds an hour.

SO, if all goes well my overdraft will be gone, I'll have enough for a flight from London-Bangkok for the next adventure, and maybe enough to do the TEFL course I'm dreaming of. I'm already planning my adventures around the south island of NZ. All is bright and rosy...

But working 10+ hour days is leaving me little room for anything else, especially computer-related, so I apologise for the way this blog has slipped into nothingness. When life is settled, I'm working only 40 hour weeks, I'll start being interesting again.

I'm changing fast from a monk-like introvert to someone with friends, lunches, coffees and nights out. This really is a massive step, and perhaps harder to handle than the getting a job. I didn't plan to become sociable again, but a few wonderful people stepped into my life and I didn't have a great deal of choice.

If this means anything to anyone, I've also hooked up with the 'spirited exchanges' crowd in Wellington. They're into post-church free-thinking Christ-centred spirituality (lots of words!) or something like that, and I think will provide stimulating discussion. I'm still marvelling at the insights of Tich Nath Hanh, am learning to cook Thai food, and am otherwise sleeping.

All in all, life is full, but good.

Technorati Tags: life

Being Present

2006-02-21T02:24:00.000+05:30

This morning I ate sultana bran with bananas on the balcony of my friend's flat. It overlooks Wellington city and the harbour, and the view is beautiful. The breakfast tasted great.

I suppose the reason I blog that is to share how I am increasingly living in the present. You may have heard
"You in the West are always getting ready to live."
I think this is true.

When I get a job, then I will be happy, then I will be living.
If I get that job, when I get a car, then I will be happy, then I will be living.
If I get that car, when I get a house, then I will be happy, then I will be living.
If I get that house, when I get a family, then I will be happy, then I will be living.
...

It is no wonder people have mid-life crises. As a highly priveleged person who is able to wander the world with very few cares, soaking up the sun in some of the most beautiful and friendly places in this world, it's been difficult for me to look to the future in promise of hapiness, or peace. I really have no excuse - if people can be happy, I really should be happy now. Sometime's I've been tempted to look to my next location as the ultimate, the one that will bring me peace and happiness. But I cannot put-off whatever it is, whatever life is, to the next country, because I will eventually run-out of countries to visit.

So over the months I have become more present. I've been influenced by people of the Christian and Buddhist contemplative traditions, and they both agree on this idea. When we eat, let us eat. When we talk, let us talk. When we do the washing up, let us do the washing up. I'm beginning to be able to do these things and focus on them, without my mind planning the rest of the day, or needing to read a book whilst eating. And in appreciating the simple I am peaceful, and happy, and feel that I am alive.

Technorati Tags: life spirituality

A Change of Scene

2006-02-18T09:43:00.000+05:30

Much um-ing and ah-ing has led me to where I'm definitely going to stay here in Wellington, the hip cultural centre of NZ. After a week or searching all round NZ I'm NOT going to work on a farm, which would be lovely but I would miss the cool people you find in a place like here and think my health isn't up to it. And I get better pay in the city. Next week I should be starting legal/medical typing, which could be interesting but will almost definitely be well-paid. I did a typing test on Friday and beat my old average with a staggering 96 words per minute. Please, be in awe of my Herculean typing skills: I am cool.

And now I trade the uncertainty and lost-ness of job hunting for the uncertainty and lost-ness of flat hunting. This is very different to Asia, but I like it and think I can adapt just enough to be happy here.

I'm sorry for the sake of your boredom and my blog that my exciting adventures have calmed down so much; I feel so boring dedicating two whole paragraphs to "I've found a job and am looking for a flat." I'm still a laid-back slightly hippy-ish traveller, but Wellington breathes so much culture that I feel right at home here, still being the me I've become over the last few months.

Questions questions...

2006-02-14T01:47:00.000+05:30

After a lovely two and a half weeks in Waiuku, with the very kind Runcimans, I've rolled-up in Wellington. Since getting to NZ I've mainly slept and read, the mix of jet-lag and g-fever has had me pretty whacked out. Highlights include reading "The Rape of Nanking" - about a forgotten massacre in China which people are trying to keep alive in memory, a day out in Auckland, attempting to waterski on the Waikatu, lots of really good food (thanks, Carolyn!). Ah yes, and getting to a Thai restaurant and trying to remember how to order, forgetting, but being greeted with such a smile by the waitress on hearing me exercise my pig-Thai that the Tom Yum Kung tasted ohhhhh that much better.

The trip down was my first experience hitching; it was pretty good. Was never waiting for more than 45 seconds for a lift, I met lots of interesteing people, and I learned that it's possible to drive a car for an hour entirely in fifth gear if you're good enough with the clutch. It wasn't our fault, the car was borrowed!

I'm currently struggling with issues of absence and presence, unrest and peace, interfaith truth or lack of, and such malarky. It's hard to know where to go, and all the old questions of how we know what we know still seem so sorely unanswered. And what makes this worse is that now I have to do something with myself: money is not limitless.

The options are to go and spend a few weeks in the country, working on a farm, and maybe saving little money. Or, to get a city job. I went job-seeking yesterday, but felt so much like a fish out of water that it made me realise maybe flashy suits and big corporations are not what I can handle right now. This leaves the option of staying in Wellington and working in a cool litle cafe or maybe even a Thai restaurant, but I think the wages will be no more than four pounds an hour, which I think is quite low compared to English wages (I can't really remember). So if I want to save money, here is not the place to do it, but I could earn enough to pay my way and have a good time.

But what is having a good time?

Oh dear. I think that the farming job seems most attractive. The value of manual labour for the soul is always underrated, I think, though in reality I wouldn't know.

The big goal right now is to save up £1000 to do a one month language course, after which I can move to Korea and make biggish ish bucks (compared to working in a restaurant) teaching, and quickly remove my overdraft. I'm already about half way there thanks to my Grandmother's generosity. Maybe I can't save that much in NZ, maybe I need to wait till I get back to England, we'll see.

Right now I miss SE Asia - the weather, the people, the food, the beaches, the cost - so much that anything that will get me money to go back there seems like a good idea!

And there you have the state of my travel and my brain.

Technorati Tags: travel

Happy

2006-02-01T07:36:00.000+05:30

On quite a few occasions during this trip I've suddenly realised that I'm very happy. Usually it's quite out of the blue. Right now the rain is beating hard on the windows - though it's still very hot - and I'm contentedly emailing good friends back home and studying Thai. I just feel good; it's as simple as that.

David Brent (or maybe it was Tim) of The Office explains that in life it is hard to tell whether you're riding the peak of a wave or a trough. He says that you only really know you're happy later-on, when you're no-longer happy - then you realise what you had. It's only when you leave the peak that you realise you were on it. And the same goes for the troughs. A close friend just emailed me saying how the sad points in her life make her appreciate more fully the beauty of life, and I agree.

Clearly these ideas are not always true, sometimes we're well aware of being in a good or bad place, but I think that now I'm in the really lucky position of riding a peak in life and knowing full-well that I am.

Here's a photo from Hat Ton Sai, Krabi, Thailand. This was on a walk with Usa, a remarkable lady who gave me a 2 1/2 hour massage (the effects of which I still feel today!) and Too. Please click on the picture to see it full-size, it'll be worth your while!

Technorati Tags: life photos

New Zealand

2006-01-30T15:58:00.000+05:30

OK, I am here. It is night time here (add 12 hours from GMT), and I'm still recovering from jet-lag (though nearly there), so cannot say as much as I'd like. I safely arrived here on the 25th, after Malaysia (1 week) and Singapore, and was picked up from the airport (first time, what a luxury) by family friends, the Runcimans. They are looking after me in a lovely house near Auckland whilst I get my bearings and prepare for this, the next stage in my journey. So far, I'm planning on hitching down to Wellington, sniffing the air, then moving to South Island to Christchurch. I hope to get a city job there, at least covering my NZ travelling costs with work.

Some local sights:

Well, as you may be able to tell, things are far more peaceful here. It's great to chill-out with such a kind family. I've seen some of the local sights, including a beach with black sand. The locals complain of heat, but I'm finding it quite chilly compaired to Thailand. It's about 27-30 degrees most of the time. I'm really looking forward to living here for a while.

Here's what I was greeted with in Auckland:

And lastly, here are two friends I met in Thailand/Malaysia. I got chatting to the one on the right in the minibus, and he invited me to stay in his friend's house in Penang. They gave me some fantastic Thai food, and gave me one last day of Thai speak. We had a fun evening, and the next day I went with them on their business, which this day was purchasing thousands of chicken livers.

Technorati Tags: travel photos

blurgh

2006-01-21T18:26:00.000+05:30

I am not a happy bunny. My time in Thailand was amazing, really amazing. I think intensely beautiful is the word that best describes it. I don't have the energy to go into details at the moment.

I needed to head south from Bangkok, because of flying to NZ on 25th January. I went to a beautiful beach in Krabi. I then headed South, towards Singapore. I got a bus to Penang in Malaysia, which left at 9:30pm. We arrived in Hat Yai, South Thailand, at 4am. I was understandably a little tired. I asked to continue my journey, and they bundled me onto a motorbike, going I don't know where. A little later I'm dropped off by the side of a road and told (in Thai) to wait until 6 am for the next bus. A bus draws up, I ask for Penang, Malaysia, and fall asleep. I wake up at about 9:30, and I have not crossed a border. Why not? It's not far from Hat Yai to Malaysia. I look around, and it is definitely Thailand. Ahh. Ban Penang, Nakkon Si Tammarat. 200km North of Hat Yai. Great.

So I grab some food, and head 200km South, to Hat Yai. And then I ask for a bus to Penang, Malaysia. Mercifully, this one was the right one. I arrive a full, exhausting, 24 hours later, and stay with a Thai friend I made in the later parts of the journey. And needing to head further South, towards Singapore, I arrive in Kuala Lumpur.

And I am TIRED. Very tired. I have been sleeping on all of my coach trips, and a long time in the night, but nothing seems to be enough. I think my glandular fever is getting the upper hand.

And due to a mix-up I may have to pay again for a flight from Bali to Singapore I won't be making. I could try and make it to Bali in four days, but I think that would be stupid considering my state of reduced health. It's a long way.

So I will stay put tonight, and amble down to Singapore tomorrow, and on Monday try to sort out tickets. Even if I have to pay the charge, it's not the end of the world. But sometimes I think I need to put my feet a little more firmly on the ground, and remove my head a little from the clouds.

Technorati Tags: travel

Wonderful Thailand

2006-01-09T10:49:00.000+05:30

I'm still here, and still loving it. It's hard to blog when so much happens every day. Let me share some recent highlights.

I've just spent a few nights in Pattaya, staying in Pattana Sports Club, where Pii-Joy works. We stayed in a luxurious house, with huge, smart rooms with big flat-screen TVs. We've been going to posh restaurants, rubbing noses with managers of expensive resorts, enjoying the warm sea and eating good food. Two nights ago as Thanya and I crawled out of the sea after a beautiful sun-set, I just laughed and laughed because I was so happy.

I think I said I've been learning Thai since I got here a week ago. It's an easy language, and I've been doing it from the book. I felt that I had some skills waiting to be used, and last night it all happened. We met a guy called Martin, who speaks a bit of Thai himself, and sat on some steps overlooking Pattaya, chatting away. And after ten minutes or so, it suddenly hit me that we'd been speaking mainly in Thai. We'd been speaking mainly in Thai! I couldn't believe it.

We went down onto the shore to watch the sun set, which really was spectacular last night, and I was so happy I nearly cried.

This is good.

Technorati Tags: Travel Photos

Leaving Laos

2006-01-04T16:21:00.000+05:30

Well, I never thought it would happen, but I left Laos before my visa ran out. It is a spectacular place, the people are amazing, but by the end of two weeks I was intensely tired after a long coach trip, and had only $20 in cash, and was ready to chill-out for the new year. But when I found that all the banks were shut for 4 days, and of course no cash machines, and the hotel's visa machine was not working, I quit. I had very little money, and no access to any, and I was tired. And I thought of my two Thai friends Thanya and Apple, and decided to make a break for it in time for new year.

I was not dissapointed. Since a good fun night out on new year, Thanya has driven me to her house and to her family's house, looking after me all the way. I've been eating delicious Thai food again, sleeping in clean, comfortable beds, and have generally been pampered since arriving here. We've been to see the sights in this part of Thailand.

VERY BIG thank-you to Thanya, Pii-Joy and family for all your amazing kindness. I'm having a wondeful time here in Thailand thanks to you. What wonderful people.

Sadly the glandular fever is returning. I got very tired over new year, and now feel run-down and my glands are swelling-up. Since I told Thanya, I've had phone-calls from English speakers checking if I need a doctor, she has cooked me seriously good Thai food, and we're relaxedly teaching each other our native languages. Despite being ill, I'm happy.

I'll say the rest with pictures:

Apple and Thanya, Kon Kaen. Beautiful.

Thanya, Kon Kaen. Beautiful.

Sunset, Vang Vieng, Laos. Beautiful.

Sunrise, Luang Prabang, Laos. Beautiful.

Juan (a good friend for a week) and myself leaving Luang Prabang on the River Ou. Beautiful.

Waterfall in National Park, near Bangkok. Beautiful.

Pii-Joy by another waterfall in the National Park near Bangkok. Beautiful.

Exploring the Old City in Bangkok. Beautiful.

I could go-on, I could post more photos, but the sofa is calling to me. Yes, there is a sofa here. Luxury.

Technorati Tags: Photos Technorati Tags: Travel

Narnia as atonement theology beyond the stone table

2005-12-28T10:08:00.000+05:30

Since it's Christmas, permit a little God-talk. E~mergent Kiwi blogs on different ways of understanding the sacrifice of Aslan (a symbol of Jesus) in this new film (though I doubt a new-fangled Holywood production will ever better the 80s television dramaticisations I grew-up with). People have many different ways of understanding in what way the crucifixion of Jesus of Nazareth was (and maybe still is) significant. I find many people see their particular understanding as the only correct one, without remembering the potential for themselves and the church at large to develop false and damaging interpretations of a historical event. What happened and why is obvious. Steve does not try to wrap things up with a simple, one-size-fits-all solution, but (briefly) describes the multiple meanings found in the bible and the film. Take a look, it's refreshing.

Technorati Tags: bible god spirituality

Happy Christmas

2005-12-26T14:47:00.000+05:30

Happy Christmas everybody!

Sorry I've been so rubbish at communicating, I didn't even find a phone to make a couple of 5-second calls back to England. Very quick update: Christmas has been fun, with lots of people and food and drink. I'm in Luang Pabang, it's beautiful here, and my Lao linguistic skills are coming on in leaps and bounds. I almost moved into an eco-village in the north of Laos and got a sponsorship for a year long visa here, but mercifully changed my mind. Doing even one day's work stressed me out.

I'm still finding that although I travel alone, people are so friendly that if I want it, I have to actively seek-out solitude.

Last two nights I've been clubbing; the Lao know how to have fun in a totallly non-pretentious way.

Today I became a millionaire by withdrawing cash. 1million kip is about 100 US dollars.

Yesterday I had a Lao massage with some sound Australian guys. Much better than Ayuverdic in my opinion, the massage is like the people: chilled-out and relaxed, none of this head-pumelling and joint cracking I experienced in India.

Christmas has been so very very different to how it would be in England; I have missed people but have had some truly unique experiences.

Love to all, I will try and send some emails soon.

Here are some active comment conversations:
Koyaanisqatsi and Buddhism
Life Simple

Brain splurge

2005-12-15T20:20:00.000+05:30

Wow. Exit: Singapore. Crazy place. Very neat and clean and orderly, but the extreme level of control, remeniscent of Orwell, were too much for me, as was the cost. Enter: Bangkok. But not for long, since I'm tired of big cities and tuk-tuk drivers and noise. So after a thai soup that made me cry and cough and splutter, but was utterly delicious, I got on the train for seldom-visited Kon Kaen. There were almost no white people, and the Thais didn't even understand 'I don't speak English'. For one day, the perfect therapy. The food was astoudingly good, and the Thais smile in such a way, and talk with such a gentle voice (even if I don't understand) that makes me believe the world is a lovely place to be.

And then two angels (I mean that) came and made me know that the world can be beautiful. After being questioned (really just a friendly chat) by the tourist police, who were friendly and taught me Thai as I taught them English, I wandered to the lake. After a few minutes two stunning Thai girls asked me for photos, and within 15 minutes had offered to drive me to the Laos border, which I couldn't refuse. Now these girls taught me the meaning of hospitality. I've been with them for three days (though they've left now), and they've only let me pay for two meals, despite insisting and the value of the pound. They've put me up in luxurious hotels (compared to my usual), known all the right things to say to get around (speaking the language helps), and have ordered mouth-watering Thai and Vietnemese delights, paying for all the entry fees and tuk-tuk fairs as we do the tourist thang. They don't know much English, and I know even less Thai, but what transcends linguistic boundaries has been their open-hearted friendliness that has really blown me away. Falling asleep well-fed, after hot showers and much laughter throughout the day, in clean beds and to the sound of gentle Thai voices, I've learned not that there is such a thing as a free meal, but that some people are loving enough to buy many for you, and not want anything in return.

And now I'm in Laos. The consulate screwed up my visa and made it 60 days instead of 30 at no extra cost, and I'm definitely considering delaying New-Zealand to stay here. The people give slow, friendly, relaxed smiles, but don't demand you buy something. They just smile. Their voices are gentle and calm, as is the pace of life. The beauty equals India, but in different ways. England feels a million miles away and years ago. I'm glimpsing why it was I decided to up and leave, as I've found in fuller force something I glimpsed in Dharamsala. Ahhhhhhh, yes. Peace.

Technorati Tags: travel

Sorry and Singapore

2005-12-07T12:26:00.000+05:30

Oooooooh.

I slap my own wrist.

Reading Gandhi - in his time and ours, that feeling when I read something that is true and good surged through me. (Since I've become aware that I am sometimes not like most people, I will explain. This feeling is like joy, but with a gleam in my eye that best relates to the word subversive. Things that are good and true generally require that something changes in the world, and since I am not happy with the way things are, the idea of hange excites me.) This feeling was particularly strong when the book described Gandhi's dialogic approach to truth. He did not believe in dogma, or in truth statements isolated from context. He looked for truth in what he 'knew', but also for the truth that Others posses. With this attitude, he drew Others to himself instead of pushing them away. He'd genuinely listen to even his extreme political opponents, allowing that they might be able to teach him something. (However, Gandhi was a patriarch, and would not listen to his 'small-minded' wife or children.) It also meant he had to change his stance on various issues throughout his life (generally for the better), but so did his adversaries. In doing truth and argument this way, Gandhi built bridges.

In doing truth and argument this way, I burn them down. Sorry, Emergent No. Have a permanent link to improve your blog rating: emergentno.blogspot.com.

On a totally unrelated note, I have arrived in dream land: Singapore. What a city. It's hard to explain how this feels without dragging you through the dirty, congested, cheap, sprawling, noisy, crowded but beautiful free-for-all that is India, and then taking you by the hand to the city of order, clealiness, neatness, expense, technology, peace and a genuinely chilled-out vibe that is Singapore. Seriously, as I got the metro from the airport it did not feel real. The masses of people, all of whom were dressed impeccably, moved like robots in almost total silence between platforms. The silence was only broken by quiet laughter, the gentle patter of feet, and the ludicrously friendly announcements beamed out to remind people not to smoke, eat, drink or do anything that might remotely disturb their fellow Singaporeans. The spotless walls are occasioned by sweet smiling people, reminding us that "Graciousness is...to give up your seat for someone that needs it more than you." There are heavy penalties for disturbing the all-pervasive peace (e.g. £2,500 for miss-use of the emergency alarm or smoking on the metro), and so peace prevails. The traffic lights tell you how many seconds you have less to finish crossing. I keep looking-out for Truman Burbank.

Hot shower. The first proper one in a month.

There is no pollution because everyone goes on the insanely efficient public transport system. The roads are marked with pristine care (markings ?!), and those that do use them within the lines (?!!), have shiny new cars (?!!!) and do not use their horns whenever their eyelids meet to blink (?!!!!). The buildings are amazing and go up instead of across. i can walk down the street without being stared at, or hussled into "my family's shop for eight generations." And it is hot. It was 26 degrees when I arrived, at 4am. And I found this beach:

Which is so unlike anywhere I have ever been that I am convinced I will wake-up in a Kolkata hospital from a coma that has lasted as many days as I stay in this magical city.

Technorati Tags: photos travel

Emerging rant

2005-12-05T10:30:00.000+05:30

I started today in a good good mood, since I've found some medicine for my accursed Delhi belly, and I'm already feeling better. More alive. But somebody came knocking from my past and ticked me off. So this post is not so sweetness-and-light as usual.

I really didn't want my blog to be yet another contribution to the innumerable emerging church blogs, but hey, I read them, and I have to comment. Feast on this.

Highlights:

1)

"Since there's no absolute truth, everything's up for grabs. The individual is the sole determiner of truth."

Somebody did not do the reason and argument section of her philosophy course. The dichotomous reasoning is so painfully puerile I need sunglasses to re-read it. Yes, she did say that. Something that gets me about critics of Emergent is a seeming complete inability to see in shades of grey. "You dispute the processes by which we arrive at truth, and question whether we can ever attain a pure truth (free from the culture and biases of the people who sought it), and therefore there is no truth whatsoever, anywhere. One big free-for-all orgy of hedonism." Right. I forgot that the world was black and white.

2)

Jud 1:4 For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

Jud 1:12 These are blemishes on your love feasts, as they feast with you without fear, looking after themselves; waterless clouds, swept along by winds; fruitless trees in late autumn, twice dead, uprooted;
Jud 1:13 wild waves of the sea, casting up the foam of their own shame; wandering stars, for whom the gloom of utter darkness has been reserved forever.
Jud 1:16 These are grumblers, malcontents, following their own sinful desires; they are loud-mouthed boasters, showing favoritism to gain advantage.

Jud 1:17 But you must remember, beloved, the predictions of the apostles of our Lord Jesus
Christ. 18 They said to you, "In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions."

Jud 1:19 It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit.

Jud 1:20 But you, beloved, build yourselves up in your most holy faith; pray in the Holy Spirit;
Jud 1:21 keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life.

Jud 1:25 to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.

The masterstroke of the argument: quoting a bible passage to defeat the opposition. Genius! So, the emerging church can safely be ignored.

Technorati Tags: emerging church

Rape

2005-12-04T16:09:00.000+05:30

An interesting case is doing the rounds in the feminist-leaning blogosphere. The case of a girl who did not 'act traumatized' enough to pursuade a court of the guilt of three alleged rapists. Sadly, nothing out of the ordinary. More shocking, however: they successfully prosecuted the victim for filing a false police report.

Shakespeare's Sister:

"Now here are some things that are true. Rape is underreported. Reporting a rape is difficult, and can be embarrassing, shameful, hurtful, frustrating, and too often unfulfilling. Quite bluntly, there is very little incentive to report a rape. It’s a terrible experience, and the likelihood of seeing justice served is a long shot. Even if it is, it usually comes at great personal cost, with one’s sexual history put on public display amidst the dismay of reliving the attack—and an extended trial can necessitate living in a state of suspended animation, where moving on from that moment is all but impossible. The only real incentive one has is knowing the sacrifice might prevent the same thing from happening to someone else. Not a small thing, but a big personal investment."

And now patriarchy handsomely makes it even harder. Right on!

Technorati Tags: dissent feminism

Victoria Memorial

2005-12-04T13:10:00.000+05:30

Ahhhhh, some lovely British Architecture, celebrating the well-loved Empress of India.

Technorati Tags: photos travel

Imago Dei

2005-12-04T12:15:00.000+05:30

Most theologies agree with the idea of people reflecting the image of God. Hence, human-like qualities such as creativity, love, and community point us towards the divine. And our lived experience is deemed suitable to bear symbolic reference to the divine. So, God is person, God is King, God is Father, God is shepherd, etc... If we treat any of these symbols literally, we are making them idols.

There are plenty of biblical images for God in female terms. Why is the average Christian's vocabulary restricted exclusively to male symbols and pronouns? Sure, the bible abounds with male images and language, but throughout, female ones are also present. Why are we so unhappy to call God 'she'? Is it that on one level we deny God a gender, but on another level the patriarchal 'father in the sky' is so entrenched that to use female images threatens too much? Is Father God an idol?

If we are to treat imago dei seriously, and I think there is a lot to suggest we should, I think we need to move beyond this.

Genesis 1:27:
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

To use exclusively male symbols/language implicitly deny this passage, for women's experience is not seen as fit to bear the divine. Men are inherently more God-like than women.

We're not playing ping-pong with semantics here. In the words of Elizabeth Johnson, "the symbol functions". If we have patriarchal images of God, patriarchy is strengthened; women and the Other is oppressed. Nothing less than understanding of and relationship with God, with each other, and our experience in the world is at stake.

Technorati Tags: bible dissent feminism god spirituality

Making History

2005-12-03T14:23:00.000+05:30

Just finished 'Making History' by Stephen Fry. Very funny in parts, a real page-turner, and makes some very interesting points about history and people. Well worth a read.

Technorati Tags: Books

Always Coca Cola

2005-12-02T18:43:00.000+05:30

My state of emotion has deteriorated from a general anti-corporate dissatisfaction to mild/moderate vexation. I just created a rather pretty and humerous blog post, but the WYSIWYG editor of blogger.com was confused by its own html code, and on trying to rectify the machine-generated mistakes (a missing 'close font' tag, of all things), I somewhere along the line lost the whole kit and caboodle. So I will resort to an ugly unordered list to convey my otherwise lost point:

Coca-cola is everywhere in India. Coca cola is made my coca cola. Sprite is made by Coca Cola. The bottled mango juice is made by Coca Cola. So is plain soda. An "alternative" Cola drink, 'thumbs up', is made by Coca Cola. For pete's sake, even some of the mineral water is made by them. Anything in a glass and often plastic bottle bends its knee before the not-so gentle giant.
Please take the time to visit CorpWatch to read-up on Coca Cola. Alleged unethicacies (not sure that's a word. I just looked it up: no, it isn't) include the hiring of paramilitaries to murder eight union leaders in Columbia (see also killercoke.org), and using and polluting shared water supplies in India, leaving villagers - to put it politely - in the lurch.
Tonight, whilst enjoying a humble repast of plain toast and tomato soup (belly still not feeling up to scratch), I was interrupted by the soothing tones of a jeep reversing (in India, where monotonous beeps would be too boring, tunes are used). Tonight, the tune was the majestic, timeless work of art that was only narrowly pipped to top spot in the 500 greatest songs of all time by Bob Dylan: Always Coca Cola.

In this globalised world, the arm of the multinational has indeed grown long.

Technorati Tags: dissent politics

Church

2005-12-01T13:08:00.000+05:30

I went to St Paul's Church on Sunday. It was boring (no outrageous pictures of angry women cutting themselves), but they did seem to have quite a strong emphasis on helping the poor of Kolkata. So that's something.

Technorati Tags: church

The Abortion Dialogues

2005-12-01T12:26:00.000+05:30

A few days ago I was amazed to see posters for 'The Abortion Dialogues', showing in Kolkata. This is an installation by Anita Allyn and Colette Copeland, which provides space for people to tell their experiences of abortion. No pro-life or pro-choice polemic, just grassroots experiences to help understand, as opposed to moralise, the issues.

Lectures were provided on 'gender and techno-culture' and 'violence in feminist performance art', which provided a sometimes shocking but thought-provoking overview of how women have departed from traditional art forms to create testaments to struggle, express opinions, but always with a political, emancipatory purpose in mind. One particularly shocking and memorable example was an artist who underwent 20 plastic surgery operations, which were filmed and broadcast. She was apalled that an impossible standard is set and massive importance is put on female body image, such that people will pay huge amounts of money to make themselves better fit the ideal. So she gave herself the forehead of The Mona Lisa, the Eyes of Venus De Mylo, etc. etc.

I can't believe I found this sort of thing in India, such an overly conservative place. Brilliant.

Technorati Tags: art feminism social justice

Life Simple

2005-11-30T12:14:00.000+05:30

I've been spending a lot of time with a friendly Brazilian called Edwardo, who's been traveling for 8 years. Something that came up was that traveling shows you how simple life actually is. What do we really need to be able to live?

warmth: clothes and shelter
nutrition: food and drink
healthcare
friendship

Tell me if I've missed something. The traveler's life (as I've so far experienced it) involves planning on going somewhere, buying the ticket, getting there, beating the touts on the way to a hotel, dumping your bags, and then...whatever. Eating, drinking, chatting, reading... it's quite simple, really. When I think about my life in Leeds it was nothing like this. Meeting, work, another meeting, event, more work, meet somebody, go out, sleep, more more more, planning career, earning money, paying bills... It was a lot of fun, but all of that seems so hectic now.

Life is simple. So far, it seems that human life is the same wherever you are. Everybody wants friends, to be healthy, and to have fun, and money to enable things to happen. Gross simplification, but conceding big cultural differences, the basics don't really seem to change.

And so mortages and life insurance and DVDs and too much food and drink and new things and too many cars and faster broadband ETC may be nice, but they are certainly not necessary.

The simple life is good.

Technorati Tags: life travel

Kolkata

2005-11-26T16:03:00.000+05:30

Here is a photo of the Golden temple in Amritsa:

And of sunrise on the Ganga:

nice.

Varanasi gave me a headache. It was very poluted, and the locals gave me no spacewhatsoever to chill out and be quiet. So after hiring a boat and rowing myself around for a few hours, I decided it was time to leave. Now, Kolkata. It's a good city so far. It is highly developed, it feels much more like a Western city than anywhere I've been yet. Yesterday I went to a book shop that felt just like Borders. I went to sit in a huge park, and was only bothered by ONE chai wallah in several hours. Great.

I'm sharing a hotel room with a Canadian called Paul, who seems like a nice guy. Tonight it's the birthday of a Brazillian, Edwardo.

However, I feel ill :( Wonder if it's the first return of glandular fever, or if something more tropical and India-related. We'll see. At least I have over a week here to get over whatever it is.

Technorati Tags: photos travel

Thoughts from Varanasi

2005-11-20T20:52:00.000+05:30

Wow. My mind is swirling round in a whirl-pool; I'm not sure it's in a fit state to be spilling itself into the blogosphere. I'll give it a go, but will be very brief because the poet of psycho-femi-theo-blogopoet is very low on energy.

I left the mountains because I had itchy feet. I went to Amritza to see the Sikh Golden Temple. It was spectacular. When I get into a decent internet cafe, I'll upload a photo. What hit me more powerfully, though, was the memorial park. In it, thousands of civilian Indians were shot at by the British soldiers. Hundreds were killed. This masacre was in the name of revolution-quelling. I'm inspired to read a biography of Gandhi. Can anyone recommend one?
Celebrity status. Leaving tourist-infested Dharamsala, I, a white person, quickly became a thing of a rarity. As I head further to the Pakistan border, more and more people shook my hand and asked me how I am, and whether I'm married. By the time I was 2 hours from it, a group of university students had dragged me into their cabin, and were quizzing me and laughing with me and pointing at my eyebrow piercing. They were fascinated. People from the rest of the carriage were crouding round to hear me tell about England and psychology and the rest of my trip. This ego-boosting took a turn for the worse in the Sikh temple. Many people go there as pilgrims, from rural parts of India seldom-visited by Westerners. They were asking for my autograph, getting photographs of me, or just plain staring. I never felt so watched as I ate my chapatti and dahl from the free kitchen. I left a.s.a.p. because it began to overwhelm me. It was getting impossible to spend any time without feeling watched.
24 hours' train journey (cost about £6) later, I find myself in Varanasi. The Ganga (Ganges) is spectacular. Tomorrow, at sunrise, I hope to get on a boat and see it properly. Photos to follow.

I feel that there are multitudinous (I can't believe I just used that word. Bet I spelled it wrong.) streams of stimulation pouring into me. So many lessons being learned, so much to take in. I want to share all in great detail, but for fear of boring and lack of internet cafe time left, will sketch with words:

POVERTY. I find myself walking along hapily and then suddenly close to tears because of what I see here. I don't need to tell you how poor the working classes of India are. But I will. Painfully poor. What am I doing about this? Will a few rupees bakshish aleviate my consciounce? No.
Being firm. Unlike Tibetan Dharmasala, people try to massively rip me off and will not stop bothering me, unless I am very very firm. Today I actually told somebody to go away because he wouldn't leave me alone. This is new territory.
Community. I am quickly tiring of 2 hour relationships that end when I don't hand over several hundred rupees. If it needed saying, life is hollow without relationships.
Beauty. In the midst of suffering and envy and cheating, there is beauty in the landscape and beauty in the people. One of the only meaningful conversations I had with a local led me to hear how very very poor he was, but how he was happy because of his simple life and family and friends. We have a lot to learn from these people.
Massage on the main ghat. Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

Technorati Tags: socialjustice spirituality travel

Triund

2005-11-16T10:06:00.000+05:30

I went for a walk up to Triund yesterday, and was greeted by this view:

(click on image to enlarge)

I have got the mountains out of my system now, and am heading off to try and find a coach to Amritza. It's time to do some sight-seeing.

Technorati Tags: photos travel

Koyaanisqatsi and Buddhism

2005-11-13T12:15:00.000+05:30

I went to see Baraka two nights ago in McLeod Ganj. The cinema had about 20 seats, a projector and sound system you'd expect to find in a lecture theatre, and cost Rs30 (35p). Very quaint. The film had no dialogue, no speach, just pictures and film documenting people and the world. It was moving. At the end, the guy that ran the place said he'd show Koyaanisqatsi the next night, a film with a similar theme, but with a soundtrack by the great Philip Glass, which I have had the pleasure of experiencing before. I told a few people about it and had five mates to take with me last night.

Koyaanisqatsi is far less Holywood, far less obvious and far more artsy than Baraka. There is flagrant over-use of speeded up and slowed down film, which becomes more and more accentuated until the end, when two of us agreed we just wanted to scream and make it stop. The film did not hand the simple message "we're destroying the world and need to stop" on a platter, but left many open ends and therefore lots to discuss. And discuss we did (over chai, of course).

The film depressed the Dutch nurse so much he had to go home. Three of us chatted for ages, trying to make sense of the loose ends. I thought I'd been impacted by all of this enough to keep me going for a few days until right near the end of the discussion, where we shared how it made us feel. Apart from like we wanted to scream. The two buddhists both said it made them want to go further into the hills and meditate more. It did just the opposite to me. It made me want to live a long life, and change as much as I can about this decaying world. The authors take a postmodern approach to their art, emploring us to create our own meanings, it was saying to me that the world needs to change. Koyaanisqatsi means 'crazy life; life out of balance; unsustainable life' etc.

Of course we got onto politics. I covered my ears as Richard said we can't change anything. The main buddhist approach to suffering that I've heard of is that suffering is created by incorrect understanding of reality, e.g. belief in the inherent existence of us and things. Although there is (especially from a critical psychologist's point of view) truth here, it seems deeply unsatisfactory to me, if all that is done about suffering is dharma (teaching) and meditation until the wrong views are eliminated, intuitive reality experienced and enlightenment is achieved. What about the unjust structures that operate in the world (most notably from my point of view, capitalism and patriarchy)? I agree that these don't have inherent existence, that is obvious. But they are real forces nonetheless. And they are forces that need challenging.

And here I stumbled upon something that's been niggling with me about buddhism since getting up here into North India, which is very buddhisty. Meditation is a private experience, as is enlightenment. I read a bit in a book that a friend leant me about buddhism, and the opening gambit was "everyone wants to be happy". True, but this seemed to be the core of the book; the rest of it was devoted to developing ways to make this happiness happen, on an individual level only. The writer qualitifed herself by saying 'try to achieve enlighenment for the good of all beings', she repeated that phrase over and over, but it simply glosses over the radically individualised nature of the buddhisms I've so far encountered. If one becomes a buddha and tries to help others become so, there is value, but so much more is needed. The oppressed of the world need us to stand in solidarity and do something practical.

Perhaps I am not doing buddhism justice. I've only briefly learned a bit about a few buddhisms. Please, somebody enlighten me.

I suppose that I would find difficulty subscribing to a philosophy that does not have challenging injustice at its very core, not just a corrolary feature to appease the activists.

And that's why I'm enjoying

so much.

Technorati Tags: art books politics spirituality

The valley where I live

2005-11-09T16:42:00.000+05:30

Click on this thumbnail for a view from just about my house:

I'm currently very absorbed in "The Life of Pi" and "She who is: The mystery of God in feminist theological discoures". Both are very very good.

Technorati Tags: photos travel

Peace at last

2005-11-07T11:20:00.000+05:30

Nobody's online on MSN! Oh yes, time differences...

I have left the madness of Delhi. After the last blog, I climbed into bed at 9pm, and was awoken at 12:30 the next afternoon by a friendly tout who had tried to sell me a ticket to Manali the previous day. I think I may have slept forever if he hadn't. Feeling a lot better, I had some curry for breakfast (not to be repeated), and found myself a ticket to the hills. It was the bumpiest coach ride ever. Really really bad. But cheap. We arrived in Mcleod Ganj at 6am (that's a 14 hour journey), and having learned in Delhi to give touts a flat 'no', a guy called Richard who's been in India for 4 months told me about a hotel where they have double rooms with hot showers for 150R, and a dorm for 30R. We had to wait outside chatting for hours until they woke up, but finding the dorm empty, we decided to rough it. It's actually nicer than my hotel in Delhi. And it costs 30R. 30R! That's about 40p. The food here is great and cheap, and it's full of Tibetan refugees who've made it their home, so it has a very tibetan feel, and they're friendlier in a much more genuine way than the money grabbing Delhi-ites.

And it's peaceful. Im able to walk the streets without little children tugging at my arms for money, or ruthless conmen who try to trick rich and innocent tourists.

I'm very happy here. There's no pressure to do anything, I've been wandering around drinking lots of chai, and admiring the breathtaking beauty that's here. I was walking down a hill, chatting with Richard (who also used to live in St Ives), and just stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the surrounding mountains and valleys. These are the Himalayers.

Technorati Tags: travel

Arrived

2005-11-04T18:41:00.000+05:30

Here is me, from 12,000 miles up as I awoke this morning:

Here is my view:

I've arrived. My visa was for the right India, my passport was in my bag, my money was real.... So I'm here, in a head-spin sort of way. In the arrivals lounge, I met another lone backpacker. And then, another. And we got a taxi together, all bumbling around very very cluelessly, until we arrived in the main backpacker street of New Delhi. We found a hotel straight away, bit of a dive, but at least I get my own room and bathroom. And it only costs 200R, which is about £2.50. Which gets me onto costs. I just had a tasty biryani, with a fanta and a lassi, for £1. This internet cafe is costing 15R an hour, which is about 25p. Someone immediately noticed my broken sandal, and not only stitched it together but reinforced all the places that are likely to break. For 220R. And I felt that that was a rip-off. This is a crazy place.

The worst thing is that we've found many very friendly and helpful people, and later realised that they were fully taking us for a ride, talking rubbish for our rupies. We're learning very quickly not to trust people, which is a sad lesson to learn, but needed, or I will run out of cash before I even get to Singapore.

The roads are several 'lanes' wide, without marking, one big free-for-all with constant horns blarring and utter confusion. I'm glad I'm not driving! I'm sure I'll enjoy it here, but I'm realising that Delhi really wasn't the best place to start a year's backpacking, it's about as hard-core as it gets. I'll have a look in a rough guide, and see if I can find anywhere a bit more peaceful. Maybe, somewhere in the Himalayers.

Bftyphwpblubygrobblersschmelibble.

I will survive.

Pre-travel wobble

2005-11-01T05:38:00.000+05:30

In the words of Tumbleweeds,

wobble

I’ve just crashed back home after a splendiferous weekend in Manchester. The comedy store, walks, meals and first class company made it a corker of a break. I got to see some friends who mean an awful lot to me, and had a weekend of zero worries. I read a very interesting book, the Monkey-Bible Book*, which I’ll post something on later, when it’s sunk in.

BUT

Return to planet earth.

Delhi has just been hit by three terrorist bombings, 60 people killed. In backpacker territory. On Thursday, I’m catching an aeroplane to Delhi. I am a backpacker…
Post to sort through, airline companies to ring, foreign office websites to check…
Did I lose my passport when I was in Manchester?
Have I got the right visas?
What’s a traveller’s cheque?
Some people who are very dear to me need to be spoken to before I go.
Oh dear! I forgot to take my anti-malarials for the week running-up to India.
Oh dear! I’m at the end of my overdraft. I wasn’t sure this was a major issue, casually mentining my financial situation to my Mum and Dad. Apparently, -£2000 IS an issue. (In addition (subtraction?) to -£12,000 of student loans.) After hearing them out, I’m beginning to agree. I have some money saved up for the forthcoming trip, but I kinda thought I had money things sorted out.

Packing.

I was reading some booklets on mental health today. The words from them that come to mind now are stress and anxiety. I need some SB-205384. I feel like I’m on the verge of something huge, as though life is about to completely change. I feel like something has to go wrong. I really will have lost my passport in Manchester. The flight will have been cancelled. Or I’ll miss it. I’ll get to the airport and they’ll say my tickets are monopoly money. My visa is valid only for the other India that people don’t hear much about. American Express Traveller’s cheques are only valid in America.

I shall reiterate:

wobble.

* Front cover has bible with monkey on top. !

The Dance Walk

2005-10-26T22:39:00.000+05:30

I spent five hours in the pub the other day, on my own, drinking and reading from ‘feminism and psychology’. I actually really enjoyed it. Walking home (still light), listening to The Chemical Brothers Exit Planet Dust, I really got into the music, and started ‘dance-walking’. Picture me walking in-time, jostling my body and arms the way that English people do when dancing. I got more and more into it, and found myself full-blown going for it along the path. I was so absorbed in dance I failed to notice another walker. Hmmm. When he was too close for me not to see him, ensuing awkward English ‘what on earth do I do now?’ began, mentally rehearsing possibilities.

- keep dancing, of course

So I did, laughing internally at his awkward internal English ‘what on earth do I do about this head-case?’

Smile and wave, of course.

Irony in The Rock: God well-poised

2005-10-21T22:33:00.000+05:30

In the last couple of months I’ve been appreciating more and more the irony that graffitis all over life. Maybe better: the irony that adds colour to life. I’ve been reading Dark Nights of The Soul, by Thomas Moore, and he suggests that in some of the darkest places we find ourselves in, a sense of profound irony in our human condition and situation in life can be like breathing in a rush of fresh air. Regardless, it’s everywhere.

Today, out of the blue, the idea of God being a Rock came to me. The image of God as rock is given throughout the bible, and I often hear a Christian say that she can be sure of God when all else fails. This rock is the foundation of her life, shelter from the storm, a solid framework to interpret the world into, the one, ultimate surety.

I wouldn’t want to argue against the existence of God; I’m currently mute on such issues. But this seems to be one of the deepest ironies I’ve yet come to appreciate. Of all the debatable truths and half-truths, constructions, ideas, concepts, objects, dreams etc., the one that is most fervently defended and most incomparably relied-upon is surely the most eternally enigmatic. The divine, the supreme being that has eluded theologians and philosophers for countless centuries is that which people pin their whole lives on. How did it come to be this way? Why not something a bit more tangible, like happiness, or goodwill?

I can cynically argue that ‘God’ is poised perfectly for this. God is sufficiently transcendent, sufficiently far removed from my life to evade refutation or criticism. If God were toasters and I tried to refute her, my atheism would quickly evaporate, because toasters aren’t very transcendent. Someone would throw one at me. God is like a puff of smoke, if you try to grab onto it you fail, and your hand just passes through. No-one can put God on trial. People can (and do) get very hot and bothered, thrashing around trying to pin-down and dissect the smoke, but all the time they fail in completing this task. However, ‘God’ is also sufficiently close for people to theorise and find confirming evidence. When I was young I prayed (in hearing of my Mum, incidentally) that I would get an electric car for Christmas. I did. Thank you, God.

If people made Newtonian physics the rock of their lives, they would be disappointed: Einstein came along and showed Newton’s physics to be only an approximation that was not true in all circumstances. Although everyone appreciates Newtonian physics in their everyday lives (though probably without a formal knowledge of the rules), it is too close. Newtonian physics can, and has, been refuted.

If people made bubblewortle (an omnipresent slime that cannot interact with anything other than itself) the rock of their lives, they would be disappointed, not because anyone can show them to be wrong, but because it makes no difference. Bubblewortle is too far away. (Have I just created a google-whack?)

So, God happily sits on God’s throne, enjoying perpetual mystique whilst also being praised for good things that happen, and for the pure greatness of being God. Of course, people’s ideas of God are doubted and overthrown all the time (*Kit raises his hand*), but on the whole, people are safe to base their lives on this concept because it inhabits a space that is just beyond reach, but only just beyond reach. This is truly a God well-poised.

Or, maybe, that’s just the way it is, one of life’s (God’s?) supreme ironies to stop us getting too serious about ourselves.

Ps 94:22:
“…
God (a metaphor for that which transcends all levels of intellectual thought ~ Joseph Campbell)
the (definite article, used to indicate uniqueness)
Rock (One that is similar to or suggestive of a mass of stone in stability, firmness, or dependability)
…”

Technorati Tags: god

Kiting

2005-10-21T04:26:00.000+05:30

Went power kiting with Bethany, my oldest sister, on Tuesday today. Utter madness. My biggest jump ever: 8 feet. Ache ache ache ache ache since Tuesday and now more aches. She bought a new kite to rival my 6.5 metres of blue power. Hers is a machine built for lift. I was testing it, mountain boarding (being pulled along by the kite), and succeeded in getting lifted off the ground, mountain board detaching itself from me, and slamming on my back into a huge puddle, getting dragged through with the kite still going. I gave the dog walkers something to laugh at.

I made a video, anyone know where I can host it for free?

All I can offer you at the moment is a photo:

Teething problems

2005-10-19T04:16:00.000+05:30

I've realised that my blog hasn't been rendering properly in internet explorer or Opera: I've been fiddling around too much with the template. Think it's fixed now, but if anyone finds any pages looking strange in any browser, like pictures where they shouldn't be, please let me know.

Five words

2005-10-19T03:26:00.000+05:30

Here's something I did for my sister's birthday card. I guess it'd be called conceptual poetry. Wondered what people's responses are, even if they are "get lost you pretentious nutter"?

The House

2005-10-18T00:41:00.000+05:30

Here's a poem I fell in love with straight away. It sums up my attitude towards all things empirical and objective after being emmersed in it for the last three years.

Come and live, they said,
In the house of science
With its solid floor of sense,
Its tiled and timbered roof,
Its foursquare walls of proof.

But I chose instead
The house of poetry
Under its rowan tree,
Half ruin and half grave
With green grass like a wave,

Nettles and moss for bed,
And its people coming and going
Like seeds the wind might bring,
Like words in the wind's song,
Their tenancy not long.

David Sutton
From The Guardian

Imposed religion

2005-10-17T05:21:00.000+05:30

I have had an interesting conversation with my parents. In fact, many. Here is one.

A week ago my Mum was talking about the mistakes Great Britain has made over the last half century or so. She saw the fundamental problem lying in the UK’s ‘forsaken promise’ regarding the Balfour Declaration, seeing the 1947 ending of the UK’s Mandate for ruling Palestine as the first snowball in an avalanche of bad government. I'm not an expert on Israel/Palestine so won't comment.

She included the legitimisation of witchcraft as one of these terrible decisions. Dad soon joined the conversation. We launched into a full-scale debate about whether religions that aren’t Christianity should be out-lawed, because we're traditionally a 'Christian country'. We were once a 'Pagan country', should then Christianity be an illicit religion on such a basis? It got a a little heated, and I'm not sure either side really understood the other. But it's food for thought.

Speaker's Corner

2005-10-17T04:00:00.001+05:30

Have just spent a fun weekend in London. Speaker's corner in Hyde Park today: lots of food for thought. Most notable was one excitable American evangelical:

"where's Muhammed? Dead! Dead! Dead! Where's Jesus? Alive, he defeated death! ... Your God is too small!"

Nice to know.

Welcome to my blog

2005-10-14T00:14:00.000+05:30

I am Kit, and I am a person. Woah, just stumbled over something there. I am Kit. What do I mean by that? This bumbling bundle of nerves and emotion and meat and consciousness, ‘I’, am Kit. This label, ‘Kit’, somehow represents me, captures me, places me, such that I find my self-definition through three little letters. Strange world.

Last night I went to some MAD drum and bass, for the second time this week, with my sister. It was London Elektricity playing, who I’ve never heard before, but would now recommend. Fantastic black woman vocals, coolio emceeing white guy in hat, smoooooth double bass playing, and, of course, mad percussion. The best thing was how they mix it up, very original stuff, blending genres (most notally reggae and hip hop with DnB).

I caught up with an old friend I haven’t seen for years, which was sweet. It was like we’ve been through the end of an age separately, and come together to talk about it afterwards. We’ve both been through the works, but are both still here, and are stronger because of it.

Got back home, listening to Faithless Back to Mine, suddenly woke up in an aquarium. It was bizarre, I was looking around my room, but it was underwater, and there were loads of people around. And there as drum and bass playing. And then I realised I was half asleep. Lol.

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2005-10-03T21:24:00.000+05:30

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2005-10-03T11:34:00.000+05:30